Hello again. This has been quite the couple of weeks we've just had around here. Never mind the normal busyness of life, but we've had a lot of things added in there to keep us hopping!
On October 7th, Rob & I were married for 13 years! It's just wonderful, because we both agree that things are WAY better than they were 13 years ago, and we have so much more to look forward to!!! We love each other so much that I still feel like a giddy little school girl with him sometimes!!! He makes my heart pound harder, and my skin tingle when he touches me (get your mind out of the gutter, Michelle! LOL). I just love him so much, and I just never imagined loving anyone like this was possible! God has truly blessed me with a fantastic man!
So, because it was our anniversary, we went away to Toronto overnight. We stayed at a not-so-great hotel, but at least it was clean and centrally located to everything we needed to be near. We ate at Jack Astor's, and sat on the "patio" and watched so many interesting people walking by. We had a fabulous waiter, who made the dinner that much more fun! We retired early and were asleep before 10pm! We were just plain exhausted! Then the next day we went and did a little bit of shopping and then went to see "Dirty Dancing" at the Royal Alex theatre. It was fantastic! We had 3rd row seats, which I dare say is too close, but it was great none-the-less! The dancers and the music... everything was so great!
Now, this sounds like a couple of great days, right? Well, to top it all off, the day of our anniversary was not just about going to Toronto. It was also about my father.
On Tuesday, October 7, 2008, my father, 64 years old, had open heart surgery. He went for an angiogram on the 6th and they had a cancellation, so they kept him there for surgery the next day. This was all very sudden, so none of us was expecting any of this to happen. I was really bothered by it. I couldn't figure out what was going on inside of me. I was scared, and yet I knew God was in control and He tells me not to fear. But after having a good cry, and doing some thinking, I realized what was really going on.
Do you ever hold on to grudges? I didn't think that this was me. But then I realized that in a way, that's exactly what I've been doing, for SO many years. I've been holding on to bitterness and disappointments and unfulfilled expectations concerning my Dad. When he left for Kitchener on Sunday, I fully expected him to be brought home Monday and everything would be fine. To realize that he was not going to be coming home before his surgery, it sent me into a frenzy. All I could think of was how wrong it was for me, all these years, to hold on to the past and not get on with living in "the now"! How long had it been since I'd told Dad I loved him? How long since I'd heard those words from him? How long since I'd hugged him, just because??? I didn't have an answer to those questions. It had been so long, that I literally could not pinpoint when it had last happened. And that really bothered me. It really bothered me, because as much as I know that God is in control, God's plans don't always line up with ours, and we didn't REALLY know what was going to happen on that operating table.
So, Tuesday morning comes along. We're on the road to Toronto, with stops here and there to make. My brother, Ian, and sister, Shannon, went with Mum to the hospital for the day. I was really bothered because I wasn't going to talk to him before this surgery, and then Ian sent me a text giving me the hospital number and room number for me to call if I wanted. But you know, I almost didn't. I didn't want to fall apart on the phone. I didn't want to upset him before the surgery, because he had enough on his mind (and my sister was probably a basket case already, so he didn't need to hear me fall apart, too!).
Then it hit me. If I did NOT call, and he did NOT make it... how horrible would that be? So, I called. Am I ever glad I did. I got to tell him I loved him. I got to tell him I'd be praying for him. I just plain got to talk to him. And if, by some horrible happenstance he went to live with Jesus, I'd be okay, because we'd said what really needed to be said.
Since the operation, I've done a lot of thinking. I've seen Dad every day since he came home. I've hugged him every day, sometimes more than once! I've told him that I love him, more times in this past week than I have in years and years combined.
You see, it doesn't matter that my childhood wasn't perfect. It doesn't matter. As an adult I have to reflect and see what good there really was. There were a lot of rough times between myself and my folks, but there's an awful lot of good stuff that came from those days, too. I think sometimes that we need to concentrate on that stuff, instead of always the bad. It's way too easy to get caught up in the bad.
So, what are some good things from my childhood???
1. My mother was a stay-at-home-mom. This meant she was always there to get us up and off to school, always there when we got home, always had supper on the table for us, always had our things organized for us, and was always there to love us.
2. My Mum & Dad taught us about the Lord. Taught us how to obey Him, love him, rely on him, worship him, and be strong through him.
3. My Dad worked from home, which we quite often saw as a pain in the neck, because of the odd hours and having to be quiet all the time, etc., etc., etc., but he also proved that we were his number one priority, and that's why he worked so hard and so much... to provide for us. And he proved how hard work pays off, as now he has built a very successful business that has provided very well for he and my Mum and for all of us kids, too!
4. Every summer my parents paid for me to go to summer camp. They never told me I couldn't go because it was too much money. They never withheld that from me. And some of my most wonderful memories from growing up, took place at summer camp!
Okay, that's only 4 things, and when I really think about it all, I realize there really are a lot of wonderful things that came from my childhood, and most were a direct result of what my parents gave to me or taught me. And I'm so thankful for that, and for them.
So, I titled this post "Reflections"... I guess I'd just like to encourage everyone to spend time in reflection, but also to encourage each of you to move on and make today, and each coming day, better than the one before. Tell your loved ones that you really do love them. Don't hold it back. Don't hold on to the small details of things that have gone wrong in your life. Grab on to the big, wonderful blessings and miracles that happen every day around you.
My Mum & Dad are 2 of my most wonderful blessings. Also, my husband & children. But also, my siblings & their families, and my dear, wonderful friends - some that I've had forever, some new ones, and some that I've been blessed with the opportunity of reconnecting with after years of being apart! The Lord has blessed me. He has also blessed each and every one of you. I pray that you'll look for those blessings every day and be thankful to God for giving you so much to be thankful for!
On October 7th, Rob & I were married for 13 years! It's just wonderful, because we both agree that things are WAY better than they were 13 years ago, and we have so much more to look forward to!!! We love each other so much that I still feel like a giddy little school girl with him sometimes!!! He makes my heart pound harder, and my skin tingle when he touches me (get your mind out of the gutter, Michelle! LOL). I just love him so much, and I just never imagined loving anyone like this was possible! God has truly blessed me with a fantastic man!
So, because it was our anniversary, we went away to Toronto overnight. We stayed at a not-so-great hotel, but at least it was clean and centrally located to everything we needed to be near. We ate at Jack Astor's, and sat on the "patio" and watched so many interesting people walking by. We had a fabulous waiter, who made the dinner that much more fun! We retired early and were asleep before 10pm! We were just plain exhausted! Then the next day we went and did a little bit of shopping and then went to see "Dirty Dancing" at the Royal Alex theatre. It was fantastic! We had 3rd row seats, which I dare say is too close, but it was great none-the-less! The dancers and the music... everything was so great!
Now, this sounds like a couple of great days, right? Well, to top it all off, the day of our anniversary was not just about going to Toronto. It was also about my father.
On Tuesday, October 7, 2008, my father, 64 years old, had open heart surgery. He went for an angiogram on the 6th and they had a cancellation, so they kept him there for surgery the next day. This was all very sudden, so none of us was expecting any of this to happen. I was really bothered by it. I couldn't figure out what was going on inside of me. I was scared, and yet I knew God was in control and He tells me not to fear. But after having a good cry, and doing some thinking, I realized what was really going on.Do you ever hold on to grudges? I didn't think that this was me. But then I realized that in a way, that's exactly what I've been doing, for SO many years. I've been holding on to bitterness and disappointments and unfulfilled expectations concerning my Dad. When he left for Kitchener on Sunday, I fully expected him to be brought home Monday and everything would be fine. To realize that he was not going to be coming home before his surgery, it sent me into a frenzy. All I could think of was how wrong it was for me, all these years, to hold on to the past and not get on with living in "the now"! How long had it been since I'd told Dad I loved him? How long since I'd heard those words from him? How long since I'd hugged him, just because??? I didn't have an answer to those questions. It had been so long, that I literally could not pinpoint when it had last happened. And that really bothered me. It really bothered me, because as much as I know that God is in control, God's plans don't always line up with ours, and we didn't REALLY know what was going to happen on that operating table.
So, Tuesday morning comes along. We're on the road to Toronto, with stops here and there to make. My brother, Ian, and sister, Shannon, went with Mum to the hospital for the day. I was really bothered because I wasn't going to talk to him before this surgery, and then Ian sent me a text giving me the hospital number and room number for me to call if I wanted. But you know, I almost didn't. I didn't want to fall apart on the phone. I didn't want to upset him before the surgery, because he had enough on his mind (and my sister was probably a basket case already, so he didn't need to hear me fall apart, too!).
Then it hit me. If I did NOT call, and he did NOT make it... how horrible would that be? So, I called. Am I ever glad I did. I got to tell him I loved him. I got to tell him I'd be praying for him. I just plain got to talk to him. And if, by some horrible happenstance he went to live with Jesus, I'd be okay, because we'd said what really needed to be said.
Since the operation, I've done a lot of thinking. I've seen Dad every day since he came home. I've hugged him every day, sometimes more than once! I've told him that I love him, more times in this past week than I have in years and years combined.
You see, it doesn't matter that my childhood wasn't perfect. It doesn't matter. As an adult I have to reflect and see what good there really was. There were a lot of rough times between myself and my folks, but there's an awful lot of good stuff that came from those days, too. I think sometimes that we need to concentrate on that stuff, instead of always the bad. It's way too easy to get caught up in the bad.
So, what are some good things from my childhood???
1. My mother was a stay-at-home-mom. This meant she was always there to get us up and off to school, always there when we got home, always had supper on the table for us, always had our things organized for us, and was always there to love us.
2. My Mum & Dad taught us about the Lord. Taught us how to obey Him, love him, rely on him, worship him, and be strong through him.
3. My Dad worked from home, which we quite often saw as a pain in the neck, because of the odd hours and having to be quiet all the time, etc., etc., etc., but he also proved that we were his number one priority, and that's why he worked so hard and so much... to provide for us. And he proved how hard work pays off, as now he has built a very successful business that has provided very well for he and my Mum and for all of us kids, too!
4. Every summer my parents paid for me to go to summer camp. They never told me I couldn't go because it was too much money. They never withheld that from me. And some of my most wonderful memories from growing up, took place at summer camp!
Okay, that's only 4 things, and when I really think about it all, I realize there really are a lot of wonderful things that came from my childhood, and most were a direct result of what my parents gave to me or taught me. And I'm so thankful for that, and for them.
So, I titled this post "Reflections"... I guess I'd just like to encourage everyone to spend time in reflection, but also to encourage each of you to move on and make today, and each coming day, better than the one before. Tell your loved ones that you really do love them. Don't hold it back. Don't hold on to the small details of things that have gone wrong in your life. Grab on to the big, wonderful blessings and miracles that happen every day around you.
My Mum & Dad are 2 of my most wonderful blessings. Also, my husband & children. But also, my siblings & their families, and my dear, wonderful friends - some that I've had forever, some new ones, and some that I've been blessed with the opportunity of reconnecting with after years of being apart! The Lord has blessed me. He has also blessed each and every one of you. I pray that you'll look for those blessings every day and be thankful to God for giving you so much to be thankful for!
3 comments:
Hi Mona,
Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your "Reflections" post. You took what could have been a very difficult subject, and wrote about it with eloquence and grace. Your words touched me on a personal level as well. When my Mom was at her worst, I spent nearly every day of her last month in the hospital with her. We talked about everything under the sun, and when she was no longer able to speak, I talked to her (and sometimes sang 'at' her as well!). When I "reflect" and count the blessings of my life, I always remember that time that we shared. Since we both knew what was coming, we took the opportunity to say everything we wanted to say to each other. When her time came - although it was heartbreaking - there was a special kind of peace, just knowing that we had left nothing unsaid. It's a luxury that many people never get. It's so wonderful that your father's health is improving, and SO great that you seized the opportunity to reconnect with him. You're right - what's in the past belongs there. Life is just too short to drag it along with us! I pray that you and your Dad will have many, many more years together, and that your relationship will continue to grow more rich and precious as time goes on.
God bless,
Brenda
thanks Brenda!
Hi Mona, I also enjoyed reading your comments on reflections. I can definitely identify with what you had written about holding grudges and it's really difficult. I know the older i get (yes i'm admitting to aging!) it becomes more important to me to keep my relationships in constant check. Growing up, I missed out on a lot because of grudges and adult agendas that kids should never have been a part of. Only recently have I begun to get to know the Campbell side of the family. My mom never liked them much, she never had anything nice to say about them and she never encouraged a relationship at all. In fact all we ever heard was negativity. My dad walked out when I was 11 and never contacted us. I've sent several letters over the years with photos and telephone numbers, addresses and emails - but nothing, zero. What makes a parent do that? In getting to know my grandma and my cousin Diana again - 26 years later, it's become apparent that we were always in their thoughts and prayers but they didn't quite know how to reach out to kids who were so far removed from everyone and whose father was a bit of a mental case. My gran still searches for answers on how her son could do such a thing. In fact both of her twin sons abandoned their biological kids and now live with women who have kids of their own. How can you raise someone else's kids and not your own? she says she's had a broken heart for years now... and even she - at 87 years old has no answers. She told me to take comfort in the fact that my dad will have to answer for the things he's done and he will pay for those decisions. I understand what she's saying but as an adult I need closure on something that I may never get closure on..something that doesn't make sense to me. He lives in Port Dover, I've talked to his girlfriend (#5 I believe this is)and she's a year older than i am...even she is baffled by this and she came from a very similar situation. Most of my life, i was consumed by hatred and anger. I swore up and down that if he came to my doorstep (Which my mom's mom said he would do someday) that i would spit in his face. I don't feel that way anymore. I want to know why I wasn't good enough? what's wrong with me? and why I can't have a father/daughter relationship. Mona, you have the chance to create the relationship you haven't had up until this point. You have the opportunity for resolution. Embrace it for everything that it is and get to know your dad and the person he is, so that someday when you reflect on it you have no regrets.
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